So Christmas is upon us. Every year I cannot work out whether I love it or hate it. Christmas has so many meaning to each of us. To me it's family time and a break from work, cheesy songs and a few drinks too many. Irish coffee or "fluffy ones" as we like to call them. Trying to help Mum in the kitchen and promptly being told to "get lost, you're getting in the way!". Naps in the afternoon and watching The Snowman. Home Alone and A Christmas Carol. As a child we had "Christmas Extravaganza" on Boxing Day at my Grandma's, playing a song on guitar or magic tricks. Everybody clapped and seemed so happy. Opening our presents and lots of hugs. Making presents, making cards. Christmas was crafty.

Somehow, along the way I think I began to lose that. I began to feel that Christmas was just for kids and that it had become a materialistic event. A symbol of capitalism. I have started arguments about presents, or the giving of money. I once really upset my Nana because she tried to give me money as she didn't know what to buy me, I didn't want her money, I thought it was best spent on herself. It was rude and now I reflect on it, I regret it. I had an opinion on money and of a "gift", I upset a dear family member because Christmas had become about the presents.

Never look a gift horse in the mouth.

So now, I'm stuck between seeing the beautiful feeling of Christmas and the sinister side of capitalism. I do really look forward to it, but why must it be such a stressful time? Buying the perfect gift is something that really gets into my head. I want the recipient to know how I've thought about it, how their present reflects how I feel about them. It never used to be like this. I used to make all my presents.

Maybe that's what I need to start doing again.

Get back to simpler times.