Evaluation – Visual Language

When we were given the brief for Visual Language I was stunned. The brief sounded very rigid and structured to me, which I disliked. However, after careful consideration and the knowledge that any brief can be made to suit what I want to do as a practitioner, I found it easier to write my rationale and specific brief. I felt that I got good feedback on this module, more so than on any other. I feel this is because I was prepared for critiques and tutorials (once I was on the list!) and felt enthusiastic and happy in my progress. I think that my professional practice has improved tremendously. I have no doubt in my mind that I have worked very hard and that my communication skills are better than ever.

My specific brief focused mainly on audience and interaction. At that time it felt like everyone around me was going through a rough time. The general mood was very low, the weather was dull and Leeds didn’t seem to be such a good place to be. As I am and was recovering from my own bout of doom and gloom, I decided to base my project on this. In essence, I think I just wanted to cheer people up.

It became a very personal project and my blog became almost diary-like. I felt that through me helping other people, I might in fact help myself.

I found this module to be very inspirational. After researching other people with the same objectives as me (promoting positive thinking and behaviour), I felt like there was hope. Sometimes just knowing that there are people out in the world that care about others even if they don’t know them, gives me a little lift.

Half way through the module, something wonderful happened.

I made the bold move of inquiring about running an event/project called Papergirl. I honestly didn’t think I would get full responsibility for the Leeds version as a few people had spoken about possibly doing it.

That is exactly what happened.

Furthermore, the founder of the project, Aisha Ronniger, said I “sounded like the right person to do it!” I had jumped from making small interactions with local people and online networks, to running part of an international project. I felt on top of the world. I felt terrified. What if it all went wrong?  How do I have time?

I could almost say that I went into autopilot and set up a blog, a facebook group and a twitter account. Without realising I was doing it, I began marketing my ‘product’ and gathering interest. Skills I know I have but had never been put to use in such a profound way. I made mistakes, the facebook group constantly sending everyone notifications on every post being the big one, but I rectified them and learnt from them.

I took control. I enlisted the help of others; people I could trust. However, I found it harder to manage people I am friends with than people I am not. Plus, the project is voluntary. If I'm too hard on people that choose to help me then they might just not help any longer. I think in a way I wanted to do most things myself just to prove that I can. It doesn't mean that it's the right option. I do have good leadership skills but it's completely different kettle of fish when it comes to volunteers.

A few weeks after starting to organise Papergirl Leeds I felt a sudden worry about my Visual Language module. To me it felt like I had made a massive jump and that I had strayed from the brief too much. Panicked, I spoke to a tutor who explained to me how this was just the natural flow of my work. Life has unexpected events, as does art. I think I need to believe in myself a little more and not worry. Although I have always had strong opinions and beliefs, I know that I have always needed someone else to believe in me. I don’t want that to be the case. I feel like I’m getting somewhere now.

In regards to workload, I know I have done a lot of work. It is still hard for me to feel like I’ve done enough when I’m not drawing or physically making something. Marketing and interacting have taken up most of my time, to the point where I slightly neglected my finished pieces. The zine took far longer than I expected due to the fact I started doing hand-written text, but I’m glad I made that extra effort (even if the photocopier didn’t do it justice). The postcard very quick to make, but I had the chance to use my photoshop skills. I realise now that running a project it very hard work, I’ve had to pull some very late nights to make sure all deadlines were met. I think this was merely a case of not knowing what to expect before I was actually doing it. I think I’ve coped very well and set myself targets. My planner is always being followed and is far too full. I’m starting to think I need to quit my paid job to have enough time for everything.

I saw the exhibition as an opportunity to interact and gather interest about Papergirl Leeds, than to be about myself as a practitioner. I’m realising now that perhaps that is the same thing. The ethics of my work are not just about m, but about how it affects others. I am indeed trying to “create a creative community”. This is my ultimate goal. Leeds is my home and despite living here my whole life, I don’t feel the need to ever move away. I just want to improve it, for myself and like-minded others. I’m fully aware that what I want in Leeds isn’t what everyone else wants. This is the tricky part. Compromise never was one of my strong points.

In this sense, I don’t think the exhibition went very well for me. I found that when I tried talking to people, sometimes they were almost shocked that a stranger had started to speak to them. I think that in an exhibition, most people will act in a certain way. We self-regulate and speak quietly, keeping ourselves to ourselves. This so-called social space becomes tainted by our ridiculous culture of looking at art in silence. I would ideally like to break this self-regulation, even slightly, but this takes time and more planning. Even such a seemingly liberal college has a code of conduct and unwritten rules that we all know and have learnt from our culture. I need to really think about how to interact with people, when in general we are all so unbelievably scared of talking face to face.

Learning to take criticism is my main weakness. Sometimes it isn’t ever criticism, just not understanding or feeling my enthusiasm. At times I have just wondered what the point is in carrying on with the project. When I sent out a questionnaire about Gift a Stranger, the responses were not what I had expected nor wanted. We live in a very cynical and judgemental world, I doubt it will ever change. Maybe I just need to become a better visual communicator in order for my projects to work. I am improving every day, becoming braver and

If I had to do anything differently, I think I would have enquired about running Papergirl Leeds sooner. Although I know deep down this would never of been the case. That bold step then, although maybe easy for me now, would have been too great a move in my previous mood. This module has been a valuable learning curve and a personal journey. I can remember saying in a tutorial how I wanted a job that seemed to not exist; it had no name or specialism. I was struggling to contemplate my place in the world. It seemed that there wasn’t one out there. I was told to just find out a way to be able to do it. I didn’t realise it at the time but I think what they were trying to say was to create my own place.

“I think I felt really isolated and poor. I didn’t have much of a place in the world yet…I was sort of inventing a place for me to be and for women to be.” Miranda July

I saw this quote about a month ago in a book by Summer Pierre called Great Gals: Inspired Ideas For Living A Kick-ass Life. The penny dropped.

Maybe I don't know what I want to be because it doesn't exist yet? 

To be perfectly honest, I’m glad broke down, it make me stop and take stock of my life. I had to make decisions about my lifestyle and my goals. Now I’m more determined than ever to succeed. However, I’m no longer a busy fool, perhaps a brave fool who is busy. I know I’m going in the right direction even if I don’t know exactly what it is I do and I’m getting better at explaining that to people.


Roll on the Live Project!